Dear God

Hey, what a beautiful day it is today. And okay, I take back what I said yesterday about Church.
Youth Eucharist made me cry my bloody eyes out, and I think everyone elses too. Because we were touched to the core of our heart. All it took was one letter. And here's why:

Dear my child Maria,

I love you. I went through the cross and shed blood for your sake; nothing can stop me from loving you. You are washed clean each time you repent, do not doubt any longer. Start believing in this, it's the truth.

I created you in my image. There should be no reason why you should look lowly upon yourself; or how you look, or how you are. My love for you is greater than the worldly 'defects' the world is trying to fool you into believing. Trust and listen to my voice. Be one with me and you shall live live to the full. I am with you always, depend on me each day, each moment. I want to help you; I want to set you free from the bandages of the world. It pains me each time to see you live the life the way you do sometimes.

Being yourself is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. Do not worry about your future. Instead, spend your time wisely and give your best in all that you do. I will grace you daily according to your own needs. I am truly right here with you, start believing.

I stand each moment, each day, waiting for you to return to me and talk to me. I want to speak to you, will you set aside time for me? Love yourself; hating yourself and trying to become someone you're not is only going to lead you to despair and unnecessary pain.

When I look at you, I only see love and beauty. I don't see you in any other way.

I long for your friendship, my child. I am your friend, and I will continue to be. I hear your prayers, your worries and your pains. I will share with you all your emotions and I want to help you.

I love you always; nothing can break this bond between us. Read the Bible and you will find many instances of me speaking, about knowing you best; more than anyone else. I want you to bask in my love and feel my presence and embrace. I want my warmth to reach the inmost being of your soul. I want and wish to unveil this story in your life.

This can only happen if you allow me to.

Talk to me my Child; I am waiting for you.

I love you.

Loving you always,
Jesus

Yes, a letter from Jesus. A letter which told me how I felt, as though to prove that it knows -- doubt, unsatisfied with my appearance, not being understood and unloved. He indeed knows me best. Better than anyone else in the whole universe.

I reached home at 11pm last night. I was so glad to see the senior churchies after so long. I felt so at home, to be praying with all the youths in a dimmed room filled with candles dotting the perimeter. I can't wait for more church activities during the holidays. It'll be like last year all over again. Okay maybe not. Everyone (Sacha, JP etc) wont be there.

Speaking bout camp, I got damn pissed with my mum last night because she lied to me. I was so angered that even though it is her birthday today, I didn't give a damn. I'm not bad.

Tomorrow's performance, I can't wait. I'm gonna get more fruit salad, bye.

P.S/ I can't seem to concentrate on doing my homework, I don't even dare think about studying. I might just as well give up, steal a million dollars and migrate to Congo.